So I missed my year out post. I was very busy living my life. It has been a whirlwind of a year to say the least. I think about the past year all the time and still can’t believe that happened. I definitely think you deal with a little PTSD after cancer but overall I would say I am doing pretty darn good.
My hair now!
After treatment was finished I definitely had a few freakouts. I am still scared it will come back but am doing my best to keep some perspective. I think in some ways after chemo/surgeries are over you actual have enough time to absorb what actually happened and it can be some heavy stuff. It is also hard because a lot of people think that everything will just return to the way it was before. People move on and expect you to as well but it just isn’t that easy. I have been strong for all the other people in my life for a while now, but it is ok for me to be scared. Cancer is by no means my identity but it is a part of me and just because it is a scary thing, I am not going to ignore that that happened to me. All I can do is focus on living my life!
So what have I been doing to get over all the mental mind games of cancerland? I’ve been working hard to get back to my normalcy which means training! I have been running a ton. I have done a few half marathons, two sprint triathlons (one as a guide, one on my own), my very first olympic length triathlon (1 mile swim, 26 mile bike, 10k run) as a charity entrant for Achilles Track Club (thank you to all who donated), 2 more olympic triathlons (one on my own and one as a guide) AND my very first half ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run)! I know it sounds nuts but if I have learned anything from last year it is “why wait!?”
After an olympic tri
After guiding in a sprint triathlon
I have had a lot of ups and downs with running. I felt great in the beginning of the year but then suddenly took a huge turn and became so fatigued that I was nervous something was terribly wrong. After some oddball blood work (and minor anxiety) it turned out that my thyroid was going nuts. I went as far hyperthyroid as could be (which can also make you tired…I didn’t get the positive side effects) to as far hypothyroid as I could be. I felt so run down and definitely battled some weight gain. My doctors are finally getting it under control after a solid 7 month battle. So all of that being said some days the running hasn’t been as easy. But as my thyroid levels get back in to range my energy level is increasing.
So running and training for triathlons have totally been my therapy. I have been asked by a few people why I have never gone to talk to a therapist through this journey. The amount of doctors appointments I have had over the past year has been ridiculous. The last thing I wanted was to take another half hour of my day to visit another doctor. I really wanted to get back to as much of a normal routine as much as possible. I remember during my first half marathon back every mile marker I would get to I would imagine a cancer mile marker (kind of like in the Biggest Loser when they get rid of some pounds during a long run) that I got past and imagine putting it away in my mind. I think therapy is a terrific option for cancer patients but it is definitely a choice and a time commitment that each person has to make. Every run, workout and race makes me more confident in the strength of my body and feel more like myself. I have my moments when I really don’t want to do that workout and then I try to remember what I was doing at this time last year. I’m trying to be patient with my self (although it is hard) as I get back in shape and listen to my body as I go.
I really have jammed a LOT into the last 15 months…. Let’s see…
Double Mastectomy
7,000 doctor appointments
Fertility preservation
4 months of chemo treatment
Reconstructive Surgery
Being in two weddings
Costa Rica vacation
2 half marathons
2 sprint triathlons
1 trip to Miami for a wedding
3 olympic triathlons
A trip to London and Barcelona with my girlfriends
Figuring out how to manage my new ridiculously curly hair
22 Herceptin treatments (half hour IV treatments I get every three weeks) – Just finished in August! Woo!
and still to come… NYC marathon!
I think I am totally living my life to the fullest 🙂 Favorite quote that pretty much sums up my where my focus is:
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.-Mary Anne Radmacher
cancerisnotthebreast 